


Didn't Know How Lost I Was Until I Found You

by sweetharry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Blind Date, False Identity, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, a fun time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2016-07-02
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:35:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7365412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetharry/pseuds/sweetharry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the assumption that the forces of nature were ganging up on him, Louis let everyone know of the trials and tribulations of being a horny 23 year old with a nonexistent love life. He whined for days upon days about "being alone forever" and his "dick going permanently soft", and Liam, being the impatient, workaholic that he was, got fed up. He dragged Louis out of the apartment, made a couple of calls, and got him a blind date. </p><p>or</p><p>AU featuring Louis as a huge idiot, Harry as the best blind date ever, Niall and Liam as Louis' favorite pals, and Zayn as possibly the smallest and angriest part he's ever had in a fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Didn't Know How Lost I Was Until I Found You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tragickingdom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tragickingdom/gifts).



Louis is annoyed. And distracted. And honestly cannot for the life of him figure out why he agreed to this. Well, that’s a damn lie. He knows why. It's ‘cause he’s lonely and sex deprived and his friends are sick of hearing about it, but hey, he couldn't help it! It’s not his fault that the universe and all men in it decided they hate him. If there’s anyone to blame, it’s Louis’ grandmother, because she was mean and the most likely of his deceased family members to have cursed him from beyond the grave.

With the assumption that the forces of nature were ganging up on him, Louis let everyone know of the trials and tribulations of being a horny 23 year old with a nonexistent love life. He whined for days upon days about "being alone forever" and his "dick going permanently soft," and Liam, being the impatient, workaholic he was, got fed up. So, he pulled Louis off his ass, made a couple of calls, and got him a blind date. 

And that's how Louis ended up here; showered, stuffed into pants that were a size too small, and sitting alone like a loser, waiting for his supposed date. The guy’s name was Ethan, and Liam swore he was a great guy, but that’s hard to believe since he’s already an hour late. 

Finally, after looking like an idiot for far too long, Louis decides to call Liam.

"I knew this was a bad idea," he hisses, "I look so pathetic. Everyone at this restaurant is looking at me and seeing the physical manifestation of shame."

"You're just being dramatic," Liam says, his tone sounding more like a reprimand than a reassurance, "he'll be there any minute, I swear." 

Louis lets out a huff and promptly hangs up on him. Stupid Liam. This was all his idea and now Louis is suffering because of it. Forget grandmother curses, his life sucks because of Liam.

He takes another sip of wine (lord knows he needs it) and tries to ignore the uncomfortable stares of the people around him. He glances around the restaurant and unintentionally locks eyes with the tall, dark and handsome sitting alone at the table behind him. In any other situation, Louis would have given him a wink and pulled him to the loo for a messy blowjob, but right now he’s preoccupied with the task at hand-- being angry at his blind date. 

He turns back to his menu with furrowed brows, and contemplates just ordering and calling Niall to come sit with him. He vetoes that idea and allows ten more minutes of idiocy to unfold before leaving. After dropping a tip, and shielding himself from the sympathetic looks, he stands up and bumps into a figure, one that happens to be very inside his personal bubble.

Louis looks up from the chest his face was smushed against to see none other than Mr. Handsome towering above him. 

“Oh shit, sorry.” His voice is much deeper than Louis anticipated it would be. “I was sitting over there like an idiot thinking I was stood up, and I saw you, and I was just wondering if--”

“You’re my blind date?” Louis cuts him off, a little shocked at how good looking he is.

He smiles, warmly. "I think so." 

Louis sits back down, this time with Ethan beside him, and silently apologizes for everything bad he has ever said or thought about Liam. Liam is a genius and a god, and if the date goes as well as Louis hopes it will, he will become Liam’s slave for eternity.

"I wasn't told you were going to be this attractive. I would've cleaned up better," Ethan says nonchalantly, making Louis choke a little on his drink.

"You’re fine," he sputters in reply. 

They order and Louis opts for a salad. He decides it was better to not showcase his piggish eating skills before getting to second base. Whatever Louis’ motive, his dinner choice seems to impress Ethan. He comments on his love of "all things green and dirty," and Louis laughs. 

The conversation flows surprisingly naturally and Louis is impossibly charmed by Ethan. He’s laid back, and Louis’ world moves in slow motion when he speaks. He learns Ethan works at an environmental law office, which is very attractive, and he loves cooking and children. Good god, Liam hit the jackpot with this one. Louis effortlessly drops witty remarks and compliments into the conversation, and he’s sure that Ethan feels the same connection between them as he does. In Louis’ opinion, they’ve really hit it off. 

At the end of the night, Ethan pays for their dinner and takes Louis’ number. He also manages to place a lingering kiss on his cheek that makes Louis tingle from his head to his toes.

Louis gets home surprisingly late for a date containing no more than banter and dinner. He climbs up his apartment stairs and lets out a sigh as he turns the old lock on his front door, overwhelmed by Ethan's effect on him. Liam was asleep when he got there, which wasn’t saying much since Liam is lame and so is his museum job with early hours, but the clock reading midnight spoke for itself. Louis’ date was almost four hours, and was his longest first date on record. Yet somehow, despite the extensive time they spent together, the second Louis gets home, he misses him. Ethan stays on his mind all night, and it gets to a point where he has to toss his phone away from him to keep himself from Facebook stalking or sending embarrassing texts. 

*

The next morning, Louis rolls out of bed and gets up, still feeling the high he had the night before. After getting dressed for work, he heads into the kitchen and sees Liam waiting for him, looking uncharacteristically worried.

“Listen Louis," Liam begins, standing up from his seat, "I know last night was a bust but--"

Louis cuts him off by putting a finger to his lips. 

"Say no more Liam. I absolutely loved him."

Liam furrows his brows. 

"What are you talking about?" he asks, pushing Louis' hand away, "he didn't show up."

Louis gives him a bewildered look.

"Uh, yeah he did. I ate dinner with him."

Frowning, Liam flips through some pictures on his phone and hands it to Louis. He studies the picture of the short red head and mimes vomiting. 

"That's not him. And thank god," he scoffs, handing the phone back to Liam, "he's not that cute Liam. Your taste in guys is horrible."

Liam rolled his eyes. "He might not be attractive to you but he's Ethan, meaning you ate dinner with a stranger."

Before Liam could question further, Louis' phone buzzes. He pulls it out to reveal a text from "Ethan”.

_Are you free at all this week Jack? I know it's kind of embarrassing texting right after a date, but I can't stay away_

Well. That’s not good.

"Louis..." Liam begins. 

"He thinks my name is Jack. Oops."

Instead of waiting around and getting a lecture from Liam, Louis grabs his car keys and makes a beeline for the front door, throwing some excuse about getting to work early. Liam yells after him, but Louis easily ignores him. 

He reaches the car, and quickly shoves his keys into the shitty little thing and attempts to start it. On the fourth try, he hears the familiar growl of the engine, and drives out of the parking lot as fast as possible. His impulsive decision lands him at work an hour early. Granted, he usually arrives ten minutes late, so this is probably better. The office is empty besides him, but it’s better he start work than just sit in his own thoughts.

He finds his way to his cramped cubicle nestled in the corner of the office and opens his laptop. He tells himself to do his work work, but his fingers fly across the keyboard, exit out of his work, and open google. Work is important and all, but he had to try and figure out who the hell fake Ethan actually was. He has nothing really to go off, other than where he works, so he googles and hopes for the best. After what seems like years, Louis comes across the familiar face on the environmental intern page, under the name Harry Styles. 

Harry Styles was decidedly a much better name than Ethan. Louis ogles his photo a little longer and then whips out his phone with the intention of texting Harry back..

_Hey Harry, not embarrassing at all. I'm free Thursday if that works for you x_

As he sends the text, Louis realizes he didn’t correct Harry and inform him that he wasn't Jack. He flicks back to Harry's number, but is distracted by his boss arriving and dropping a manuscript on his desk. He tosses his phone aside for fear of seeming incompetent, and begins the slow process of proofreading the 800 page beast.

*

The next time Louis sees Harry, he is surprised by how attractive he is. He forgot. And now Harry was all dashing in front of him and Louis was having heart palpitations

Louis slides into the car and Harry unbuckles his seatbelt solely to pull Louis into a hug over the center console. It’s a little thing, but Louis thoroughly enjoys it. He also enjoys how Harry smells of cinnamon and how big he smiles whenever he sees him.

"Hey Jack." Harry grins, buckling his seatbelt. 

Louis mentally curses himself. Along with the attractiveness thing, Louis forgot that Harry thought he was Jack. He thinks to himself ‘I really should correct him,’ but all that comes out of his mouth is "Hi Harry."

"Alright?"

"Yeah I'm great," Louis smiles, "and you?"

"Fantastic."

Harry takes him to a more upscale restaurant and, again, pays for all of his dinner. They talk more about their personal lives and Louis learns a lot about Harry. Harry tells him about his vegetarianism, his travels and his "boundless passion for hiking and all things outdoorsy."

With all his impressive travels and smoothie cleanses and dedication to the planet, Harry makes Louis feel very inadequate. Louis hasn't done any of that stuff... but that gets Louis to thinking. Even though he hasn't done any cool things that would impress Harry, maybe this Jack guy has.

"Yeah I love hiking. I actually went on a backpacking trip with some friends last summer," Louis says casually. 

That intrigues Harry. And the little way Harry's eyes light up, makes Louis want to keep telling him things. So he does. 

Jack has been to Egypt, Greece, and Montenegro. He spends most days at the humane society and most nights at the library. Harry loves sailing, so, coincidentally, Jack has a boat that he spends as much time as he can on. All were lies, of course, but they were little and they make Harry like them more. No harm done! Right?

When they leave the restaurant that night, Harry pulls up in front of Louis’ apartment building and gets out with him. He grabs Louis’ hand, interlacing their fingers, and walks him to the door. Before heading inside, Louis thanks Harry for the date, grabs the lapels of his jacket and let his eyes flick down to Harry’s pink lips.

"Can I kiss you?" Harry asks quietly.

"I don't know," Louis replies cheekily, "can you?"

Without hesitation, Harry presses his lips warmly against Louis'. It’s passionate, more so than Louis expects, and the way Harry kisses combined with his hands tightening around his waist makes Louis light headed.

He pulls apart from Harry and immediately misses the feeling of lips on his own. 

"Good night, Jack." Harry murmurs against his ear. 

"Good night."

Harry heads to his car and Louis runs upstairs. He bursts through the door, and does an embarrassing, but well deserved victory dance.

"Please relax," Liam calls from his bed, obviously irritated, "I'm trying to sleep." 

"Liam, if you knew me at all, you would know I have zero chill," Louis says, still reeling from the kiss, "relaxation is never an option."

"If you're gonna scream, you can sleep outside."

Louis laughs, but decides to appease Liam. He changes into pajamas, then silently slips into his bed. He drifts off to sleep with dreams of Harry's lips, his cinnamon scent and his green, green eyes. 

*

As Liam gets progressively more annoyed with Louis’ late night arrivals and inability to stop talking about his new guy, Louis spends more and more time at his other best friend Niall’s apartment. Louis knows Niall from university. They met in their first year, and Louis was instantly drawn to Niall’s carefree personality and the fact he held his college’s record for most keg stands in one night. He’s a funny guy, and one of the only people Louis kept in touch with after graduating. 

Niall’s apartment is dusty and unkempt, but the the atmosphere, and of course Niall himself, calms Louis and reminds him of a simpler time -- a time of weed and parties, and no taxes. 

Unfortunately, it also manages to bring back the more painful memories of University like cheating, getting dumped, and every other bad ending to a relationship that one could think of. Luckily, he could distract himself from the past memories with thoughts of Harry, and Niall entertains his constant chatter about him, because it’s the happiest he’s seen Louis in a while.

“Am I boring you?” Louis asks, lounging on Niall’s couch.

Niall takes a sip of beer and shakes his head

“I’m happy you’re getting laid, mate.”

Louis chuckles. 

“We actually haven’t slept together yet,” 

Niall momentarily tears his eyes away from the footy match on the screen and looks at Louis in disbelief. “Hold on a second. You -- Louis Tomlinson -- have not fucked your boyfriend yet?”

”Nope.”

Apparently, Niall can barely fathom the thought, “I thought that’s kind of something you were known for, at least back at school.”

Louis slaps him, a little bit harsher than called for, earning a yelp from Niall. “I’ll have you know I’ve grown since then.”

Niall just rolls his eyes, “sure you have.”

“I have enough self control to keep myself from succumbing to sexual frustration, thank you very much.”

“Louis, you come over here just so you’re not alone in your apartment, getting off 30 times a day from lack of physical contact -- self control my arse.”

Louis goes to protest, but decides Niall’s right, as he usually is.

He instead, sticks out his tongue and tosses an empty beer can at him, and Niall laughs before turning back to his game. Louis ignores him and resumes mindlessly gossiping about Harry, but this time how much Louis enjoys Harry’s body is a popular topic.

*

For the next couple of dates, Harry and Louis take turns picking the venue. After his disastrous first choice of Chik-Fil-A, Louis remembers he’s Jack and changes his dates accordingly. He tearfully kisses goodbye to Chik-Fil-A, asks Liam to buy him a chicken sandwich for later, and then takes Harry to the Russian Art Museum. 

Afterwards, it’s a visit to the Arboretum and then cooking quinoa at home. Harry loves each and every one, and doesn't hesitate to invite Louis over again and again. 

While reclining on Harry’s couch watching Friends, Harry slips his arm around Louis’ waist and pulls him closer into his side.

“We’ve been out a few times,” he says, cutting Louis off from their previous conversation.

“I’d say we have, yeah.”

“Would it be safe to say that we like each other?”

“It’s true on my end of course, but I can’t speak for you.”

“Of course it is, you knob.”

Louis chuckles. “What’re you getting at babe?”

“I was just hoping I could call you my boyfriend,” Harry says, looking up from his lap for the first time since he began.

Louis tilts Harry’s chin to meet his lips into a long kiss. He smiles into it, feeling his heart swell with joy.

“I think I’d like that -- boyfriend.” 

Harry lets out a sigh of relief and kisses him again, letting his tongue slip into Louis’ mouth.

It’s not the first time they’ve made out, but Louis’ still just as surprised as he was the first time at the amount of passion Harry pours into his kisses. The raw emotion, and the way Harry’s large hands slide over his every curve, never fail to take Louis’ breath away.

Harry detacheS their lips making Louis whine, but he maKe up for it by kissing up his neck and whispering into his ear. 

“Stay the night,” he mumbles needily, tugging on Louis’ earlobe with his teeth. “Please.”

Despite his assurances that he has self control, Louis jumps at the chance to be with Harry. He stays the night and happily does the walk of shame the following morning 

Except, to Louis, it’s most definitely _not_ the walk of shame. A much more reasonable name for it would be “the drive of pride.” It was by far the best sex of Louis’ life, and not because Harry has no gag reflex or even because he’s the most perfect bottom on earth, no, it’s because he really cares about him. And yes, Louis knows it’s was wrong to be pretending to be someone else, but it’s not hurting anyone. In fact, it’s just making their relationship better. Well, one thing that does sort of suck is that Jack is turning out to be a lot less funny than Louis, but it’s a small price to pay for being Harry’s dream guy.

Besides that, Louis is being himself, just with little bits of Jack thrown in to impress Harry. He likes being Jack, because he’s all the good parts of Louis. Jack is smart and worldly. Jack doesn't spend almost everyday sitting on his couch, eating junk and smoking weed, and Jack doesn't have trouble holding down a steady relationship. He’s everything Louis wants for himself, but never ended up getting.

Despite all the mushy crap, it’s been way too long for Louis to tell Harry he’s not Jack. He couldn't say it now or it would be all over for them, so he just let himself be Jack when he was with Harry. Sure, during sex it’s a little weird with Harry panting “Jack” into his ear as he rides him, and sometimes Louis almost reveals his idiotic real personality to Harry, but the pros definitely outweigh the cons.

*

For almost two months, Louis and Harry have the perfect relationship. Louis spends most nights at Harry’s apartment, because Harry tends to get lonely and Louis helps by turning on Friends and cuddling him when he can’t sleep. 

Their days together become routine and domestic, and it makes Louis feel a way he hadn’t believed he could. He has this constant feeling that every amount of feeling he gives to Harry is automatically reciprocated. It’s as if, for the first time in his life, Louis can see himself having a happy ending. If someone would have told him three months ago that this is where he would be, he would have laughed in their face, because good things involving love didn't happen to Louis Tomlinson. Or any Tomlinson really. It had been hard for his mum and hard for him. It was a problem with trust, and it had haunted him as long as he could remember, but with Harry there was no problem. Harry makes all the bad go away and that’s what brought Louis so close to him so quickly. That's why every weekend you can find him at Harry's house, not just because Harry needs him, but because Louis needs him too. During the week of their two month anniversary, Harry poses a question.

“Jack?”

Louis hums in response, and Harry continues.

“Do you want to getaway this weekend?” he asks.

Louis fingers with the buttons on Harry’s shirt, contemplating. 

“What do you mean getaway?”

“I want to take you camping,” Harry says excitedly.

Louis grins uneasily. Jack loves camping -- Louis, however, does not. He would go as far as saying he hates camping, but he knows what he wants, and he wants to see that glint in Harry's eyes. He wants it so bad he regrettably says, “let’s do it.”

Harry’s eyes light up and a smile breaks onto Louis’ face. He begins babbling about all the trails and the backpacking adventures they’re going to have, and Louis silently curses himself for agreeing. He could have easily said that he has work, but idiot Louis has an idiot crush on his beautiful boyfriend and is now set to go out to pine lake with him on Friday. 

In preparation for the day he assume will bring his death, Louis has Liam teach him how to pitch a tent and how to pull off plaid prior to his arrival at Harry's. After the two load up Harry’s car and get seatbelted up, Louis realizes there’s no turning back for him. He also happens to realize that his boyfriend looks very good in camping clothes. A black turtleneck peaks out from his dark blue flannel and he traded his assortment of rings for a simple leather bracelet. His hair is covered by a dark beanie, and maybe it’s the late hour and Louis’ constant sexual frustration, but Louis really wants to have sex with Harry in the tent. 

Ten minutes into their grueling four hour drive, Harry asks, “what music are you feeling, babe?”

“Whatever you want.”

He doesn’t really care what it is, but he doesn’t choose for fear of choosing something Harry wouldn’t like.

Harry pops in one of his cds, and the familiar wail of the lead singer of his favorite band bursts out of the sound system. Louis bops his head along, despite having a strong distaste for Harry’s hipster music, and listens to Harry getting progressively more excited for the weekend ahead.

“Y’know this place also has a pond for fishing” Harry continues, “and we could rent a boat and you could sail it!”

Louis nods and let Harry gush about how wonderful the place is, but the more he talks, the more sick to his stomach Louis feels. This trip is a bad idea, he’s sure of it. The only way Louis keeps himself from going crazy, is pulling up his hood, leaning his head on the window, and shutting his eyes.

*

“Rise and shine sweetheart!” Harry calls from outside. 

Louis groans and shifts uncomfortably in the seat he fell asleep in only hours ago. He can tell Harry’s eager as it’s just past midnight and the tent is already set up along with a small campfire he somehow created whilst Louis slept. He lost the turtleneck and was now reclining solely in the unbuttoned flannel, exposing his tanned torso for Louis’ viewing pleasure. 

Boom, there it is again. The need for tent sex. But Louis knows he needs to restrain himself, because, although all he cares about is tent sex and maybe skinny dipping in the lake, he knows Jack loves hiking and kissing bugs and shit so he has to play it like that.

Louis fluffs his hair a little and steps out of the car. He grabs his backpack from the trunk and heads over to Harry who easily pulls him in for a swift kiss. He laces his fingers with Harry’s and smiles. Seeing the lush green trees and Harry's beautiful face makes Louis think maybe camping isn’t so bad after all.

*

Wrong. Lie. Complete lie. Camping is the worst. After returning from hike #2, Louis is covered in bug bites, scratches from trees, and he peed on his own shoe when trying to go by the tree. There is dirt in every orifice of his body and he wouldn’t have been surprised if he somehow contracted poison ivy. And, of course, he has to pretend like he isn’t on the brink of death, while Harry has a wonderful time and looks nothing less than angelic. 

The entire weekend is like that -- Louis struggling to stay alive and Harry tackling every obstacle with ease. He doesn’t even know how he’s still going. Liking Harry as much as he does majorly sucks, because Louis can’t stop himself from doing things just to see Harry smile. 

It’s their last night. They lay on their sleeping bags and look up at the stars. Louis leans his head on Harry’s chest, and Harry points out constellations that cover the sky. He even decides which two stars they are, the two closest and brightest. The stars shine brightly and seem to encircle their little piece of the world. And despite all the terrible, disgusting, awfulness of camping, Louis can’t stop his attraction to every part of Harry.

“This is was a really nice weekend, H,” Louis says, kissing him on the cheek. Harry grins the little grin he gets when Louis says something sweet to him and kisses him back, this time on the lips.

“You know, there’s a month long backpack trip here in a couple of weeks that we could do.”

Louis' face immediately falls and Harry lets out a laugh. 

“I’d love to, but you know I have work.” Louis covers quickly. “And so do you.”

Harry pouts, and Louis sees it as an opportunity.

“But don’t worry,” Louis says, “I know something we could do right now that would be pretty cool.”

Harry rolls his eyes, “let me guess, tent sex?

“Tent sex!”

Harry chuckles, but pulls Louis into him, lifts him up and carries him into their tent. 

_Finally._

*

When they’re back in the city, Louis feels worlds better. 10/10 would recommend tent sex, but in Louis’ mind, nothing can compare to the bustle and bright lights of the city.

“I wish I could always be out of the city,” Harry sighs as he drops Louis off at his apartment,  
“It’s too much for me sometimes.”

Louis brushes Harry’s hair out of his eyes and kisses his forehead, and can't help but think of this as another strike against Louis and Harry. In actuality, they have nothing in common. But he pushes the intrusive thoughts away in favor of kissing Harry.

“We can getaway anytime you want,” he finds himself saying.

Harry squeezes his hand and lets him leave. Louis really hates leaving him, and he hates that the closer he gets to Harry, the more he feels bad about lying to him. All he wants is to be everything Harry wants and needs, but it’s getting hard. Harry’s very emotional and introverted, and Louis feels like if he knew the real Louis, he wouldn’t like him. And that kills him. That’s the real reason Louis keeps “Jack” alive, because, deep down, he knows that Harry likes his Jack-self and not his Louis-self. He _does_ want to be truthful with Harry about who he is, but something is always stopping him. Despite the internal struggle he’s facing, it has no effect on Louis’ feelings for Harry. Those are completely real and growing stronger everyday. Harry just makes Louis so happy and all of his friends see the difference. They’re constantly pestering him about his new love, especially Liam. They ask, “when are we going to meet him?” and “why are you hiding him from us?” and Louis replies, with some comment about his friends’ embarrassing nature and quickly changes topics.

“Things have to be getting pretty serious between you guys, don’t they?” Liam presses, “it’s been almost three months.”

Louis shrugs. He doesn’t enjoy talking about Harry with his friends because none of them will understand what he’s doing and why he’s doing it. It gets to a point where Louis has to be out of the house most of the time, because Liam will not give it up. He spends all his of free time at Niall’s, because, as Niall has expressed before, he could care less about who Louis is boning as long as he’s happy.

Meanwhile, things with Harry are better than ever. They never fight. Granted, that’s because Louis melds himself to be Harry’s dream man, but that’s a small detail. They never get sick of each other, and every time they kiss, Louis feels his heart leap out of his chest just like the first time on his apartment step. Their relationship consists mainly of them seeing foreign films and eating kale like Harry likes, and Harry loving dating someone who he has so much in common with, while Louis sticks it out with a combination of lies and love for Harry.

Yeah, it dawned on him. Louis does all of this stuff because he’s in love. It’s a strange feeling, and of course he keeps it to himself, but the swell in his chest and the way his head goes dizzy when he thinks about his feelings for Harry, have him certain he’s in love. And at the four month mark, Harry tells him he loves him too. And it’s not in some big romantic display with a fountain and doves and a million red roses, but it’s perfect. They’re at Harry’s house, watching Friends, and Louis’ flipping through a manuscript he really enjoys. He talks Harry’s ear off about the budding romance between the characters, and Harry, with sparkling eyes can’t help but blurt out, “I love you.” 

Louis stops mid sentence and doesn’t hesitate to say it back. Harry’s so over the moon, he knocks the papers out of Louis’ hand and tackles him in a long kiss -- a kiss that’s Louis’ favorite by far.

After the initial three words, Harry sprinkles “I love you” into every conversation he can. And with that huge milestone, comes a shit ton of stress for Louis. His Jack issue is out of control, and the only way he stays sane is by distracting himself with Harry and his health-nut antics. 

For example, Louis now visits the community garden outside Harry’s apartment three times a week by choice. For the majority of his adult life, the only plant Louis handled was weed, and here he was with Harry, becoming emotionally attached to a sprouting radish. 

“I’m losing my curviness and I blame you.” Louis complains, digging a new hole beside his current plants.

“And how is it my fault and not the fault of your vegetarianism?” Harry asks smugly.

Oh right. Jack is a vegetarian.

“Because you’ve been inching into veganism and dragging me with you.” 

“You love it.”

“No no no, what I love is dairy products.”

“Suit yourself.”

They tend to their small plot in silence till Louis asks, “how long have you been into all your environmental stuff?”

Harry thinks for a second. “I don’t really know,” he says, pulling out the watering can, “I think I would have to say since about age 8. That year my mum and I planted probably a hundred flowers in our yard.”

The image of a young Harry and his mum filling up their entire yard with flowers is enough to make Louis’ heart feel all fuzzy, as it usually does when he was with Harry.

“That sounds like my dream, planting flowers with my love and the goddess who birthed him.”

That stops Harry dead in his tracks.

“Jack, do you want to meet my family?’

Louis freezes, and Harry immediately retracts the question.

“Sorry, sorry.” he says, kissing Louis on the cheek. “It’s too soon I get it.”

That calms Louis down a bit, and he goes back to gardening.

“You’re just really important to me,” Harry says, voice quieter than before, “and someday I do want you to meet them.”

Louis nods, and that’s all that Harry needs.

“Hey, my best mate is coming round tomorrow, would you like to meet him?’

Louis sees the little sparkle in Harry’s eyes and against his better judgement, he agrees.

“I love you Jack.” Harry says, after pulling Louis into a lengthy hug.

Louis sighs into it. “I love you too.”

*

Louis doesn't really know much about Harry's childhood best friend. His knowledge of the guy begins and ends with Harry's jokes about how introverted he is.

"He hates people, sunlight, sleeps in a coffin, and all that," Harry jokes and Louis laughs along, but underneath he’s worried. He senses that if Harry's best friend doesn’t like him, it’s a deal breaker. 

They’re set to meet in the park at eleven, and Louis arrives a couple of minutes before Harry and his friend. He sits on the bench and rearranges the apps on his phone to pass the time. When he hears Harry’s voice nearing, he stands up and brushes off his pants before turning around. But when he sees Harry's friend his stomach drops. Because out of all the seven billion people on earth, he knows Harry's friend, painfully well.

They went to uni together. It was his second year roommate Zayn. Louis pulls up his hood and hold his breath. This is it, he’s dead.

Maybe he can run? No. shit. Harry sees him, there’s no way he can get out of it now. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

“Hey,” Zayn says, stepping close to him, "is this him?"

"Yeah, it is," Harry says happily, slipping an arm around Louis. 

Louis looks down and offers a little wave. 

"Is he okay?" Zayn asks, trying to get a better look at Louis. 

"I think he's just being shy," Harry says, his voice a little unsure, "it's okay Jack."

Harry pushes his hood back and forces Louis to be exposed. 

"Louis?" Zayn breathes, staring into his eyes. 

Harry laughs, “no, this is my boyfriend Jack. The one I've been talking about for months.”

Louis offers Harry a pained smile and looks back at the floor. Zayn tilts his head and looks Louis up and down. 

“Harry, I know Tobacco Tomlinson when I see him." he says flatly. "His name isn't Jack."

Louis' face gets hot and his heart starts pounding in his throat. 

"He's Jack," Harry says firmly, tightening his grip. "Right?" 

Louis doesn't have the heart to say anything. 

"No he's not. His name is Louis Tomlinson. I should know." Zayn says, anger prominent in his voice, "we dated for fucks sake.”

That's when Harry's arm drops off him and Louis' life comes crashing down around him.

And of course, to kick him while he’s down, Zayn continues, "he's never left England, he’s a freeloader who smokes weed and he’s the worst boyfriend I ever had." 

His words sting, but nothing hurts more than looking up at Harry. Tears prick at Louis' eyes as he sees the hurt on Harry's face.

"Is this true?" he asks, voice shaking.

Louis looks pleadingly at him.

"Shit, okay. I'm not Jack. I'm Louis Tomlinson. The night we met, my blind date didn't show up and I thought you were him. The next day I found out I was wrong and forgot to tell you I wasn't Jack." 

Before Harry can interrupt, he continues, tears falling more with every word. Everything he’s been holding in comes spilling out of him right then and there.

"I meant to tell you but it slipped my mind and Jesus, I don't know, I really fucking liked you and I was afraid that you wouldn't like me, so I told you a bunch of lies to impress you. But fuck all of that, Harry. Everything I said to you was real. I just wanted to be someone you could love. I love you. I love you so much," he grabs Harry's wrist, but Harry immediately shakes out of his grip. 

"I trusted you. I told you I loved you." he says weakly. 

"Harry-" 

Harry just shakes his head, expressionless. 

"I don't even know you."

He turns away, and Louis has never felt worse in his entire life. His legs feel weak and he can't control the aching in his chest. 

“Asshole,” Zayn yells, before following Harry.

As he watches them go, he sobs. Harry was one of the only good things, no, the best thing that ever happened to him, and he fucked it all up. There’s no way they can fix it. And that kills him. The tears start coming in waves out of his eyes and he’s breathing so raggedly, he gets scared and has to sit down. He leans against the park bench and cries, letting whoever passes by him hear. It doesn’t really matter what they think.

For how long he’s there, he didn’t know, but it has to be at least two hours. He feels... stuck. There’s nothing he can do and he has no idea where to go from here. It’s rock bottom. And no one is there to pick him back up. He can't even go back to Liam, because he lied to him too. 

There was nothing he could do.

*

In the months following the incident Louis had termed “the misery,” he tries to work on himself. He realizes that he never had to lie to be accepted by Harry, and that it was his insecurities in himself that were at fault. Even after their fallout, he never stops loving Harry, not for one second, but he knows he has to try and move on. 

After a heart to heart with Liam, he moves out. He moves in with Niall, and he deletes Harry’s number from his phone. He accepts a promotion at the publishing house and tries to exercise at least once a week. He also stops smoking, which is one of his proudest accomplishments. Things are good for Louis, better than they’ve been in a while. He hasn’t dated anyone else, obviously, but that’s okay. It’s lonely sometimes, but he never likes to admit it. Nothing will break a Tomlinson. Especially not a boy.

He knew that the protocol following a breakup, is to call Harry and beg him to take him back, but Louis’ too proud and too hopeless to attempt. He didn’t try to reach out to him once. He tries hard to let go and, somehow, he’s able to.

He is confident and strong, and just as fun loving as he was before the breakup. He lives a slow-paced life and nothing is particularly interesting about it, but Louis likes it all the same. The best part of his life by far is Liam and Niall. After Louis fell down, both boys became big positive rays of sunshine in his life, determined to pick him back up. Liam went as far as creating, what he sees as his crowning achievement, “Lad’s Night.”

Every Thursday, Liam drags Louis and Niall out to the shitty pub near their apartment and forces them to have fun. They sit in the back with a couple of beers, and for three hours a week they distract themselves from everything outside of their booth.

“Fuck marry kill,” Louis proposes, “Chandler, Phoebe, and Ross.”

“Easy,” Niall tells him, “marry Chandler, fuck Phoebe, kill Ross.”

Liam frowns and sets down his beer, “Why’d you kill Ross?” I’d marry him.”

Louis and Niall grimace.

Obviously you kill Ross, he’s the worst.”

“He’s my favorite character!” Liam protests, earning a snort from Louis.

“That’s cause you’re literally Ross.” Louis tells him, “and Ross sucks.”

“You work at a museum for Christ sakes,” Niall adds with a chuckle.

“Oh! That reminds me,” Liam says, setting down his drink, “You guys wanna come to the 50th anniversary gala this weekend?”

“Although Niall and I rival your girlfriend in looks and wit,” Louis says, earning a hoot from Niall, “wouldn’t you rather take her?”

Liam waves the question away. “She hated the last one. And us three could get smashed after. It’s Lad’s Night 2.0 -- Weekend at Payno’s!”

“Well now that you’ve named it, guess we have to go.”

Liam celebrates by buying another round, and pulling the other two up for a karaoke rendition of “Everybody,” by the Backstreet Boys. Good night.

*

On the night of the gala, Louis looks good. Really good. His hair is coiffed and he trades in his contacts for his old glasses that age him about 5 years. He has on a navy suit and looks and feels relaxed and sexy.

“You’re getting laid for sure tonight.” Liam says, massaging Louis’ shoulders. Louis laughed.

“Hopefully, it’s been ages,” he says, "but what I'm trying to decide is-”

“What are you deciding?” Niall asks, adjusting the tie around his neck.

“What I’m deciding is, should I have sex in front of the painting of the old woman, because it's kind of kinky with her watching, or smack dab in the middle of the brontosaurus skeleton?"

The other boys bust out laughing. 

"It's a tough one," Niall agrees, "but actually, I wonder how many people have had sex in that museum," he said, grabbing his coat.

"Have you Payno?" Louis asks, a smirk tugging at his lips.

Liam doesn't answer, but rather flushes bright red, making Louis grin.

"That's cheeky Liam."

They roll up to the venue in Louis’ shitty car, and snicker as the valet tries to get it to start so he can park it. 

Throughout the first hour of the gala, the trio takes turns sneaking food from the buffet tables and taking inappropriate pictures with statues while no one is looking. Hour two is more calm, as Louis ditches the other two and attempts to admire the gallery portion of the museum. He stops in front of a painting and sits down on the bench dedicated to admiring it. He must have been there for a while, as the rest of the room clears out. He can’t figure out why the image is so captivating, but it holds him in his seat. 

After a considerable amount of time, he feels someone sit next to him, and it’s the last person he expects it to be. The long hair is gone and replaced with a choppy cut falling just above his ears. He seems a little older, a little more quiet, and a little less happy. He doesn't look at him, so Louis just sits in silence, watching his painting, unsure what to do. His heart is racing a million miles a minute, but being around Harry doesn't give him the same passion as it did before. It’s foreign between them. They’re strangers.

“It’s a lovely painting, isn’t it?” he finally speaks, voice soft. 

“Yeah, it is.” Louis agrees. “I can’t stop looking at it.”

Harry nods beside him. They sit in silence again until Harry turns to him, offering him a hand.

“Sorry, I didn’t catch your name.” he says, eyes holding a little gleam, and Louis can't help the smile that quirks onto his face.

“It’s Louis,” he says, taking Harry’s hand.

“Ah, good english name,” he remarks, “I’m Harry.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“And you.”

It’s quiet for the third time, but Louis breaks the silence. He still wants Harry, and if this is his way of giving him a second chance, he will take it. 

“I hate outdoors,” he blurts out. Harry turns to him with a funny look on his face. “The farthest I've been is Bristol to visit my aunt and I’ve never been on a boat. I'm an asshat who lives on my mates couch and I used to smoke a lot, but I don't anymore. I could never be a vegetarian and I'm kind of stupid, but I mean well.”

Harry simply nods.

“Good to know.”

“And if you're wondering, I top.”

That got Harry. His stiff demeanor disappears and he lets out a snort. 

“You're such an idiot.” he tells Louis, eyes shining. 

“I know.” 

They talk a little bit more, nothing too serious, and soon, Louis spots Liam waiting for him. 

He excuses himself and heads over to where Liam is standing. 

“It's about to start.” he says, looking at his watch. 

“Sorry, I was a little preoccupied,” he says, glancing back at Harry. 

“With a potential sex partner?” Liam asks with a laugh. 

He rolls his eyes, “unfortunately no, just an old friend.”

Liam pats him on the back and Louis follows him to the table reserved from them.

A bunch of old men speak, and truthfully, they bored Louis to death. He amuses himself by folding the napkins into paper airplanes and discreetly throwing them, much to Liam’s dismay. 

He only looks up once during the event, and that’s only when he hears, “and our keynote speaker, environmental activist, and my esteemed colleague, Mr. Harry Styles.”

Harry enters and shakes the man’s hand before stepping up to the podium.

Liam and Niall glance at each other, and then at Louis, but don’t say anything.

“Good Evening,” Harry begins, “and thank you for being here to celebrate 50 years of this beautiful institution.”

He pauses and allows the audience to applaud before resuming his speech.

"In my opinion, the world we live is one big oxymoron. In our society today, change is a constant. People, plants and animals are continuously growing, living, evolving, and moving forward. Amidst the chaos and bustle of the modern world, it's hard to imagine anything stays the same for long. For instance, if you look at where you were ten years ago, ten days ago, even ten minutes ago, things have changed. And that is what makes institutions like this museum so special."

At that point, Harry takes a breath and looks up. He puts his speech cards away and continues.

"About ten days ago, our museum curators recovered two intertwined skeletons in Verona, that seemed to be preserved together for over 1,000 years. They were thought to be star crossed lovers."

Louis leans into Harry's words, drinking in everything he’s saying. 

"And the beautiful Tyrannosaurus Rex in the main hall, has been in tact since the Cretaceous period. These pieces and every exhibit in this museum acts as a home for a specific moment of time. Things like dinosaur skeletons and mummies were thought to be lost or outdated but found their way back and made a home here."

Harry has so much passion behind what he was saying, Louis can't help but feel his heart swell, as it always does around Harry. 

"This museum reminds us that everything around us is important. It gives us a look into lives other than the ones we’re living and manages to show that things we've thought were lost, more often than not have a way of coming back to us. Thank you."

The room erupts in applause and Louis joins them, still unsure about how he feels about Harry's final remarks. For Louis, things lost rarely ever come back. His wallet, his sister's birthday present he misplaced years ago, and many other things have fallen off the face of the earth, never to be found again. His luck aside, he enjoys the sentiment. Even though he’ll never say it, he secretly hopes that Harry was his lost thing that’ll be found again. That thought was pushed away quickly as the gala ended and Liam and Niall pulled Louis out of the building, eager to get plastered. And after the night he had, Louis’ eager as well.

*

The following week brought another chance meeting with Harry. Louis tries to be mad with the universe for pushing him back into his past, but he can't. He misses Harry like hell and seeing him reminded him just how much he wants him back. 

Louis heads into the little coffee shop a couple blocks from his apartment to pick up some breakfast before work. As he waits in the line of people, tapping his foot, he glances around the busy shop as he usually does, but this time someone catches his eye. Louis’ there almost every week, and he’s never been there before. But here he is clear as day-- Harry Styles, nestled in the corner with a big mug and a hat pulled over his mop of curls

Things are still tense between them, but Louis guesses the tension didn't come from a place of malice, rather of awkwardness. They don’t really know how to be around each other anymore. 

Louis grabs his order and takes a sip before glancing over his shoulder once at Harry. He hesitates, but pushes himself to go over and say hello.

"Fancy seeing you here." he says, coming up behind Harry. 

Harry looks over his shoulder and smiles.

"Good to see you, Louis." 

“You as well.” Louis tells him. ”Also, I didn’t have a chance to congratulate you. The speech you made last weekend was beautiful”

Harry gives him a fond look, one Louis didn't think he would ever have the privilege of seeing again.

"Thank you Louis.” he says, genuinely, “can you sit and talk or are you in a rush?"

He checks his watch and winces.

"Kind of in a rush, sorry," he frowns, "but, you know, unless you enjoy chance meetings like this, I could take your number and we could plan a time and place to see each other."

Harry bites his lip in hopes of disguising his smile. He pulls out a pen and messily scrawls his number onto Louis' hand. 

"Cheers!" Louis says, looking over the numbers on his palm, "do you want mine as well?"

"I think I still have it from the first time."

Louis' heart leaps at that. 

Harry kept his number. That fact keeps playing over and over in his head. 

"Well, uh, good to see you again," Louis says, still taken aback at the information he just received. 

"You too."

Louis smiles once more and rushes out, making sure he doesn’t smear any of the writing on his hand.

*

He hasn't called Harry. He sits looking at his phone for hours, and he can’t bring himself to do it. He can't just jump back in. He feels like there’s still something unfinished between them, and that they need to talk about it. But the thing is, Louis doesn't want to talk about it. And that's why he won't call. He’s scared. Harry was so important to him and he already let him slip away once. This time it was all or nothing.

When Louis returns from his last meeting of the day, he retires to his newer, nicer desk and flips open his phone, to see he has at least thirty missed calls from Niall and Liam.  
He groans at the amount of voicemails he had and dials Niall.

"What’s going on mate? Somebody dying?" Louis asks, after Niall picked up. 

"Liam's outside. He wants you to come down," Niall tells him, "and to look presentable."

Louis roll his eyes and hangs up on Niall. This is just some stupid Lad’s Night shenanigans.

He grabs his coat and heads downstairs to meet Liam. 

"Alright?" Louis asks, sliding into the passenger seat. 

"Yes, I am, and hopefully so are you.’ He seems particularly excited, and it makes Louis a little excited as well. 

"What's going on Li? Have a kickin’ Lad’s Night planned?”

"Not exactly. I have a date for you." 

Louis flinches. 

"I know you're hesitant," Liam says, putting a hand on his shoulder, "but I think it would be good for you to get out."

He doesn't really want to, but there wasn't any harm in going on one date. 

Louis sighs. "Who is it?"

"Ethan." Before Louis can protest, Liam cuts him off, "and I know he stood you up before, but I think you guys could work! He's at the restaurant right now."

"Okay," Louis agrees, reluctantly. Maybe this would be good for him, "let's go."

When Louis enters the restaurant he has an eerie deja vu feeling because it happens to be the same restaurant they were set to meet at before. Ethan is sitting at the table in the back and Louis takes a deep breath and joins him. Ethan apologizes for the first time and kisses Louis' cheek. He’s okay looking and Louis is surprised at how much they have in common. They’re both recovering smokers and both spend most of their time watching television. Neither have gone very far from home and both are hesitant to admit their need for emotional support. Ethan is practically perfect. If he was smart, Louis would fallen in love with him right there. He’s attractive and funny and smart and he knows how to deal with him because they’re so alike. 

But the thing is, he's not Harry. He doesn’t watch Friends reruns every weekend, he doesn't have those wide green eyes that draw Louis in, he doesn't hum songs under his breath when he thinks no one can hear, and he doesn't make Louis' heart soar when he sees him. 

"I'm sorry," Louis says, making his decision, "you’re a great guy Ethan, a fantastic one, but I really have to go."

He feels bad, but he can't stay there any longer. He throws some money onto the table, pushes in his chair and runs out. 

And he keeps running. At one point, he stops at the park to rest, but the second he catches his breath he’s running again. His feet pound the pavement and the only thing on his mind is Harry Harry Harry. It takes him about twenty minutes to reach the familiar street that houses Harry's apartment building and then it’s the home stretch. Louis runs up and rings the bell. No answer. He rings it again. No answer. He’s not home. Classic.

Maybe that’s good actually, it allows Louis time to collect his thoughts. He slides down to sit, his breathing still uneven, and relaxes. He lays a hand over his heart and feels it beating wildly against his chest, as if it could burst through the thin fabric at any second. As he sits on the stoop, he thinks about what he wants to say and how he wants to say it. When he finally organized his thoughts, he comes to terms with the fact Harry is out for the night and concedes to sleeping on the cold concrete, determined to get to Harry the second he returns.

*

"Louis?" Harry's voice comes. Louis opens his eyes to Harry kneeling at his side, "what are you doing here?"

Louis jolts awake. Everything he thought long and hard about last night flies out the window. 

"Okay, shit. Okay. So, I went on a date last night with the guy, the one that I was supposed to date before, and he was perfect and everything, okay. But all I could think about was that he wasn't you."

Harry remains silent. 

"And fuck, I know I was really stupid before and I didn't have to lie for you to like me, but I did. And I'm sorry. I really want to try and fix it because I still have feelings-- strong feelings for you."

Louis holds his breath and tries to gauge Harry's reaction. His face is unreadable. 

"Thank you, for saying that," he says, "I have to admit, I was on the fence about letting you in again."

Louis nods, feeling a little nervous about where this is going.

"But I knew that I cared a lot about you, and the reason you lied was because you cared about me too. And I don't know where to start with us, but I know that I-- I want to be with you, Louis."

Louis lets out the breath he’s been holding in and feels tears at his eyes again. He can't help it. 

"Don't cry," Harry says with a laugh, "or I'll cry."

Louis laughs with him. "Sorry."

“Can we take it slow, though?” Harry requests, “I hardly know you.”

Louis nods, and laughs as the tears streak down his cheeks.

Harry uses his thumb to wipe the tears at Louis’' eyes and can’t help the one’s forming in his own. He presses a chaste kiss to Louis' forehead and pulls him in for a hug. Louis relaxes into his arms and just breathes in all of Harry. He missed him so much and now he was back. He was back, and everything is good. 

*

_7 months later..._

"We can't go back now, you know that." Harry says, squeezing Louis' hand. 

"I know," he replies calmly.

“It’s a whole weekend, are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure.” Louis tells him, “I’m ready.”

Harry smiles at him and drags him up the stairs to the front door. 

Following the ring of the doorbell, the lock turns and door swings opens.

"You're here!" the woman cries, pulling Harry and Louis into the house. 

"Hey mum," Harry smiles sheepishly, pressing a kiss to her cheek. 

"And you must be Louis," she smiles, hugging him tightly.

"Nice to meet you Anne."

After being whisked to the dinner table, Louis meets Harry's sister and stepfather, both of whom he loves. The trip is pleasant, and all of Louis' nerves disappear when he realizes how easy he gets along with them. When Louis climbs into bed with Harry on their last night there, he finally asks the question he’s been dying to ask.

"Do they like me?" he asks, cuddling into Harry's side. 

Harry laughs. 

"Of course they like you. You're charming and funny and cute and--"

"Stop flattering me," Louis says, scrunching his nose up. 

“Never.” Harry grins, pulling Louis closer to him. Louis meets him in a kiss and relishes in the feeling of Harry’s lips on his. In the silence that follows, Harry asks,

“Could you imagine where we would be if my date had showed up the night we met?” 

Louis frowns. “I don’t like to think about that. Because that’s a world where we aren’t together.”

Harry kisses the frown off his boyfriend’s face and rests his head on the pillow, just across from Louis. Over Harry’s shoulder, Louis eyes the clock and immediately scoots away from him.

“Oh shit,” he gasps,”we’re missing Friends!”

He scrambles for the remote and quickly finds their favorite channel, before returning back to his spot beside Harry.

“I love you, y’know that right?” Harry asks, as Louis settles in beside him.

“Of course I know that.” Louis says, as if that was the most obvious thing in the world, “And I love you too.”


End file.
